The Nigerians got a Michigan treasurer. $186,500 of the county’s money,$72,500 of his own.
Someone please buy me a MIDI keyboard so I can play Keyboard Hero.
For a mere $39, you too can wield the Keyblade.
Cowgirls Espresso: supply your own cream.
90 “Top Ten Albums of the Year” Lists combined to create the Year in Music. I own/have listened to exactly zero of the Top 100. I knew I should’ve bought that Tom Waits album sooner! I’d have 1/100th Street Cred!
Where I Am: Zanarro’s
What I’m Doing: Dining out with the family before my mother’s surgery, Taking yet another crappy photograph without noticing
On Thursday, my mother’s going to have her insides removed. Since she’ll be unable to eat all Wednesday, we decided to take her out to dinner. That’s my grandmother behind my head, my mother behind her, with my father and sister Patti on the right. Lisa’s behind my giant head and Mikey and Joey are just out of frame. My sister Lizzie couldn’t make it because of “homework” and her boyfriend Rory didn’t go because it would make her look worse. Patti’s boyfriend Steve didn’t come because he was too busy researching ways to look more emo.
At the back of the room there’s a vault. There’s no reason for there to be a vault, as this building was built fairly recently and this restaurant was its first occupant. I can only imagine this was thought to add to the decor and some backstory that was going to be on the menu about the Zanarro family secret recipe for pomodoro sauce being sought after by unsavory types and kept behind lock and key.
In the vault was a couple doing it. I think perhaps they believed that their table inside the vault offered some measure of privacy beyond that of us commoners outside it. The fact that the vault door was wide open and they were visible to all, even more than those out in the open because they were sitting in a stupid vault, did not seem to bother them in the least as they went about their copulation. More power to them.
-Top 10 Worst Best Actress Winners
-Top 10 Best Best Actress Winners
-Andre the Giant: The World’s Greatest Drunk.
-Found! The longest bird penis ever! It’s as long as its body.
-Futurama, Manga-style. Brought to you by the same woman who brought you The Simpsonzu (which was based off this official image).
-Thingsmyboyfriendsays.com. Less funny as it goes on, but worth a look.
Youtube:
-Alfonso Cuaron explains how they created some of the most amazing tracking shots in history for Children of Men. The car sequence was so seamless that most of the people I saw it with didn’t even realize the technical feat until I pointed it out.
-Food Network is using Subliminal Advertising?
-Star Wars, reenacted with hands. No, not that.
-Here is what Maurice Lamarche looks like.
Where I Am: the Mean Streets of my Condo Complex
What I’m Doing: Walking said Mean Streets
Ah, the mundane, how you dominate my life. I’m walking to my car after dropping off some garbage in the dumpster.
There’s a rule at the complex that large junk has to wait for the quarterly visit of the large dumpster. This has led to some creative garbage dumping. On this particular day, peeking out from some strategically placed black garbage bags, was a 32″ TV. Hardly noticeable.
Where I Am: At the Movies
What I’m Doing: Basking in the afterglow of Pan’s Labyrinth
We saw two movies over the weekend: Children of Men and Pan’s Labyrinth.
Both were amazing.
Both were nominated for Best Cinematography Oscars and for good reason.
Children of Men has some of the most amazing tracking shots ever put to film. The fact that they’re not at all flashy and do nothing to take away from the characters or story makes them all the more remarkable. The continuous take in the car scene blew me away and it didn’t even register with some of the people I was watching it with until I pointed it out.
Pan’s Labyrinth is a reminder of how truly terrifying fairy tales are. There’s a lot of horrific things going on in the real world (they make up at least 2/3 of the movie) but I was never as terrified as when Ophelia was in her fantasy world. The Pale Man was wonderfully realized: there’s nothing so terrifying to me as something menacing in wait.
If you haven’t seen either, they’re two movies that are well worth dragging yourself out to the theater for. You’ll be happy you didn’t wait for the DVDs.
Where I Am: Outside a Home Depot (I think)
What I’m Doing: Raising an ant farm on my face
I was well aware that I have a big fat head long before this project started.
Now I’m forced to face the fact that I look hideous with facial hair.
I used to have a rule that if I’m in need of a haircut, I stop shaving so the itchiness of facial hair would force me to a barber. This rule not only failed to work a good 95% of the time, it also led me to look like a disheveled creep. This is only a few days’ worth of growth and it looks as if I broke the legs off a million cockroaches and hotglued them to my face. The incongruity of the facial hair just adds to the awfulness.
The other thing I’ve learned from this project is that, despite the fact that they make up 100% of my wardrobe, I don’t know how to maintain a collared shirt. The collars are all curled like a wilting flower.
I’m a damn mess.
Where I Am: Outside my Condo
What I’m Doing: Clearing the snow off Lisa’s car, warming it up
Don’t let this winter wonderland fool you. It was gone by the afternoon.
I’m outside this early because I’m starting Lisa’s car for her. This is an act of kindness that is usually only performed on days where I get to sleep later than her. Regardless of the weather outside, her car needs to be started and she’s running so late she can’t do it. Of the many times she’s dragged me out of bed to do it, this is the only time where it actually needed to be done.
My car’s wiper fluid sprayers are on the fritz, so I’ve been dreading the post-snow salt encrusting of my windshield. Since the snow was so light and since it had melted by the time I left the house I was able to avoid it, but I’m sure I’ll be depending on the Force to drive fairly soon.
Where I Am: In the car, headed to the bank
What I’m Doing: Not paying attention to the road
I’m not sure why I look so stoic. My fat face doesn’t lend itself to smiling but that’s no reason to mope, especially when it’s the first snowfall of the winter.
I think I’ve told at least 5 different people that it was the first time we haven’t had snow fall in Central Park in December since 1892 (which isn’t the right date, it’s 1877. 1892 sounds better, though.). I don’t know why I thought this particular factoid was interesting enough to make an appearance in several bouts of awkward small talk, but there you go.
We won’t have that same problem for January, as this picture demonstrates, This isn’t a very good picture (not that any of these are) but it’s the only one where the snow looks like snow and not rain or shows up at all.
Where I Am: The Office Yard
What I’m Doing: Balancing a piece of flue pipe on my head
I found a piece of flue pipe that, when placed on my head, made me look like a robotic Abraham Lincoln.
Well, it made me look like an Abraham Lincoln that wore a metal hat.
At the very least it makes me look like a fat man with a flue pipe on his head.
I think that’s an achievement.
